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Hey Reader -

A friend is getting serious about his girlfriend, so you can imagine how nervous he was to travel to Texas to meet her family. He told me, "I was on my company manners, but the judging was endless. I got the silent side-eye at every meal."

"Well, mother-in-law relationships can be tough," I said, trying to console him.

"Mother-in-law? I was talking about my girlfriend's brother, who's home from college!"

Ahh, my friend was on the receiving end of the controversial Gen Z stare.

How The Stare Can Backfire

Some people argue that The Stare is an act of agency, with a spectrum ranging from protecting emotional overload to refusing to engage in annoying conversations. But here's what the funny TikToks forget to mention: The shutdown you think you're dishing out could come with a harsh tax.

For instance, here are emotional intelligence misfires at work you may have noticed:

· People might think someone can't keep pace, giving rise to a "doesn't fit in" narrative;

· People see a lack of response as disrespectful or belittling someone else's input; and

· People are overlooked for critical client interactions, getting frozen out of client dinners or A-list social events.

However, you have a new communication tool by utilizing people skills like managing your emotions and applying your lived experience.

So, regardless of your generation, use The Stare when:

1. You need to buy time. "You've given me a lot to think about" is a common negotiator response.

2. You're unsure how to respond to a questionable comment. Avoid the temptation to fill uncomfortable space. Your blunt, rambling reply may wind up being the story.

3. You're in the middle of a conversation not worth having. As Mark Twain wrote, "Do not argue with a fool. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." 😉

Social pressure to be polite at work isn't new. So, toggle off hasty choices and toggle on to knowing when and where to use The Stare:

Series Recap

In the July series, Toggle Off/Toggle On with People Skills, we've discussed how people skills can help you say no to everyday pressures and yes to better choices. The toggle exercise can sound flip, but it's a fast way to stack rank your investments.

So, imagine a dashboard. Where are you ready to invest more deeply and push the slider up? And where do you want to toggle off altogether?

Here's a recap of what we've learned:

The midpoint of the year is the perfect time for a refresh. So, act like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss—and use people competencies to take charge of your choices.

I'm taking the month of August off to recharge. Follow me on social media for self-care inspiration. Have a great end of summer, and I'll see you in September! 🏖️

All the best,

Michelle Mains

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