Hey Reader -

You’ve probably heard of looksmaxxing, the trend in which young men believe that maximizing their appearance will help them with everything from social status to dating. But work is the opposite. Instead of looksmaxxing, gymmaxxing, or sleepmaxxing, you spend most days stressmaxxing! 🥵

Daily strain and pressure aren’t your imagination. They’ve become such a societal factor that Dr. David Spiegel, a psychologist at Stanford, has made it a focus of his research.

​His perspective is that “Stress is scary in part because it makes us feel helpless. Physical stress reduction techniques are effective not only because they reverse stress’s physiological impacts, but because they show us that we can control how we feel. Mastering our bodies’ responses tells our brains we have agency in the situation.”

Dr. Spiegel’s findings signal that even though work stress is everywhere, you don’t have to let it get the best of you. Instead, you can repurpose the same people skills you use every day to your benefit.

So, in the July series How to Beat Stressmaxxing, we’ll talk about how to offload mayhem and foolishness. You’ll leave with practical ideas to help maintain your work wellness.

Is Perfectionism in Your Way?

First, let’s talk about a common issue that leads to stressmaxxing: The pressure to say yes.

The automatic yes was a topic in Keke Palmer’s podcast with Michelle Obama. Michelle remembered wanting to show up well at Big Law. However, the more she practiced corporate law, the less she liked it.

Despite her insights, it took years before she quit. The intriguing part was that people pleasing wasn’t getting in her way—overindexing was.

She remembered, “My perfectionism got me. If you put me in the desert, I’ll figure out how to make it work. Because I could do it? I did it."

Turn Up Success, Turn Down the Stress

I don’t know about you, but I’m guilty as charged. Like Michelle, I’ve stuck to things simply because I wanted to be seen as someone who could conquer any challenge. And then (surprise, surprise), I would be stressed to the max trying to get everything done.

Michelle Obama’s conversation reminded me of a colleague who had the “everything is an opportunity” mindset. Her outlook was, “I can handle anything,” which is admirable but unrealistic.

She thought that an automatic "yes" in a brief hallway conversation made her seem like an incredible collaborator. But she forgot to ask how much work was involved. If she had the necessary competencies. And how on earth all those special projects would fit into the commitments she was already juggling.

I’m sure you can imagine what happened. She did what she could, but she was so overcommitted that the work was so-so. Her reputation took a hit and her mental health suffered.

Drive to a Thoughtful Yes

Let’s be real: No one can curate their inbox, skimming all the cool projects and saying no to everything else. At the same time, you want to be selective because random, poorly defined projects won’t help move the needle for your career.

The ideal scenario is to set pride and perfectionism aside and drive toward an educated, thoughtful yes. You can get there by using soft skills like critical thinking, creative communication, and planning.

So, since you already had a full plate when you woke up this morning, try these responses. To Dr. Spiegel’s point about maintaining agency, they’ll protect your time and sanity, which in turn maintains your professional standing:

1. I’m already committed to other projects. I need to finish them before starting something new.

2. I’m hearing several patterns. I’m happy to pitch in shaping the Project Plan.

3. I want to do a great job, but this project sounds like a stretch. Did you have a specific workstream in mind?

4. I can’t participate at this time, but I’m happy to share AI prompts to help jumpstart solutions.

And your customizable AI prompt is: Give me three diplomatic ways to decline projects.

Advocating for yourself with authenticity and integrity works whether you’re saying an enthusiastic “Absolutely!” or a lukewarm “Not now”. So, beat stressmaxxing by making your yes count.

All the best,

Michelle Mains

Keep the Soul Boss inspiration going!

• Check out my latest book, Soft Skills Basics in a Flash​
• ​Michelle Mains on Pinterest​
• ​Michelle Mains on Instagram​
• ​Michelle Mains on Twitter​
• ​Facebook Soul Boss community ​
• Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and SoundCloud​
  ​
• Soul Boss inspiring books about soft skills at Amazon​