Hey Reader -

My friend Alex upgraded his address and bought into a neighborhood which is kind of fancy. Alex and his wife had big plans for the yard, but between work and bad weather, those plans were delayed. They were surprised but pleased to come home one day to a freshly manicured lawn.

He thought it might be a “welcome to the neighborhood” service from the Homeowner’s Association. But then the older couple across the street mentioned their landscapers had done the job because Alex and his wife “obviously needed help.”

Well, that’s one way to get to know the new family! Alex took the hint, and his teenage son has been holding down mowing responsibilities ever since.

In the July series How to Beat Stressmaxxing, we’re talking about how to use people skills to maintain your work wellness. Issue spotting problems as they’re forming is a superpower. But in case no one told you, there’s no World Cup for Solving Other People’s Problems!

So, before you jump and compete for a prize that’s not worth winning, take a note from the World Cup teams. Turn down the heat by playing your position to the best of your ability.

Is Everyone Playing Their Role?

The idea of teamwork vs. individual achievement popped into my mind with Dad in Pajamas’ video about the broken window effect.

If you haven’t heard of it, the theory is that when a window breaks and stays broken, disorder becomes the norm. He commented, “That one broken window sends a message: ‘This is acceptable.’ And once something becomes acceptable, people adapt to it.”

Dad in Pajamas then illustrates how he uses the broken window theory to set standards in his home. Instead of ignoring a mess, tasks like doing dishes or managing laundry are now the responsibility of both adults in the house.

Upgrading the Broken Window Theory

The broken window theory is a smart illustration, but it can easily become a slippery slope. That’s because people who are natural issue spotters often wind up backstopping others to get projects over the finish line. However, stressing yourself to the max to finish other people’s jobs isn’t an acceptable norm.

So, job #1 is determining whether something is appropriately yours to do. Here’s a quick, bright-line way to parse your yesses and no’s:

• Yes to sharing historical information so people don’t repeat past mistakes. Yes to contributing your AI prompt library to save time. And yes to connecting the right people in one click.
• No to doing what someone can do for themselves. And that no goes double if someone has already committed. (Just like your kid knowing it’s their job to mow the lawn before it gets out of hand).

5 Reponses When Life Gets Messy

The yes-and-no matrix is a neat answer, but hey, life gets messy. So, what do you do with overenthusiastic lane jumpers like Alex’s neighbors? With people who are lethargic, waiting for you to provide an instant answer? Or with colorful characters, ready to blur roles, responsibilities, and accountability?

Don’t let sticky situations make you revert to old superhero patterns. Instead, retain your agency and self-respect by turning to soft skills such as sound judgment and healthy self-confidence.

For instance, when you hear:

1. “We just need to get going,” try “We’ll save time by mapping a 1-page project plan.”
2. “I’ll do what I can,” try “Could you pinpoint the gaps? Others might be able to pitch in.”
3. “I had to jump in,” try “Will you check in first? Others may have essential background information.”
4. “You’re better at this,” try “I have confidence you’ll find the right solution.”
5. “Let's start a new project,” try “Let's schedule a brief recap to understand the last project’s hits and misses.”

And your starter AI prompt to create phrases that match your voice and style is: Act as a career coach and give me ways to communicate with someone who misses project deadlines.

Taking on responsibilities which aren’t yours to manage is a fast pass to anger and resentment. So, rely on soft skills to play your role with dedication and excellence. And remember to leave someone else’s lawn alone. 😉

All the best,

Michelle Mains

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