Hey Reader -

February is the month for love, but is your peopling gas tank already running on fumes? I see you!

Romantic relationships, where you can pick and choose alliances, are the exception. It’s the rest of your world—from the office to family and friends to your community—that’s the luck of the draw. Try as you might, you’ll never be able to change your critical sister-in-law or someone at the office who likes to cut corners.

But all the people skills you use at work—such as making well thought-out decisions, taking a creative approach, or using emotional intelligence to stand in someone else’s shoes—also work to your advantage after hours. You might be thinking, At Sunday dinner every week?

Yes, and here’s why:

· Soft skills give you go-to ways to respond in real time;

· They provide alternatives to threats or ultimatums, which can cause irreparable damage; and

· Skilling competencies increase your poise and confidence with challenging people.

Suddenly, it’s clear why you want to be skilled up when ornery relatives try to pick a fight!

So, in the February series, Relationship Threshold Questions, we’ll discuss how to reshape and improve relationship dynamics. First, understand your values.

Do You Know Your Must-Haves

Standards were on my mind as I watched a “Tonight’s Conversation” clip. After listening to the details, one host posed a set of no-holds-barred questions to the woman at the mic:

“Did you sign up to be a secret or wait on the sidelines?”

“Did you want unfinished business with an ex?”

“Do you want to negotiate potential?”

Those blunt questions made her non-negotiables crystal clear. Without qualities like kindness and integrity, she was finally ready to close the door.

Spot Green Flag Relationships with Core Values

Let’s be honest: People don’t come with an operating manual. That’s why everyone finds themselves in cloudy situations. When that happens, ask yourself the threshold question of, “Does this connection align with my standards?”

One way to bring clarity is to create a simple Standards Checklist using the same problem-solving and planning skills you apply at the office.

Start small by identifying three different categories, then noodle on a short list of 3-5 keywords for each category. And pro tip: Don’t overthink it. Your top of mind responses are accurate.

If this exercise seems like a heavy lift, cut it down to size with AI. This prompt will give you lots of ideas to pick and choose from:

Values are an emotional guardrail, informing whether you should get to know someone better or rethink that dynamic and let trouble cross the street. So, make a quick checklist and align connections with your standards.

All the best,

Michelle Mains

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